


I Need You

by BrokenHalos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, But don't worry it doesn't happen, Canon-Typical Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Creepy Gods, Dry Humping, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Mentions of graphic torture, Misunderstandings, Resurrection, Reunion Sex, Sad Dean Winchester, Season 13 Castiel and Dean Winchester Reunion, Sharing a Bed, Smut, Swearing, Violence, delayed sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22481605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenHalos/pseuds/BrokenHalos
Summary: Castiel has been killed by Lucifer, Mary is in another universe and the Winchesters are left with the aftermath...and Jack. Dean mourns the loss of his friend and just can't seem to trust the Devil's son. When will they get a win?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 59





	1. I'm so lost

He breathes faster as their bodies are pulled flush against eachother. Tugging and pulling, gripping and griding. He looks into his beautiful safire eyes and lovingly bushes a lock of dark hair from his forehead.

Dean moans as he feels Castiel's arousal, he was desperate to be as close to his lovers body as possible.

"Dean." Comes the deep gravelly voice. "I need you." He whispers pulling Deans hand to his boxers. Dean obliges and pulls them of quickly, doing the same to his own.

Castiel looks absolutely wrecked, clothed in only his unbuttoned white dress shirt while his blue tie hung loosely around his neck, the definition of sin.

His pert dusky nipples hardened at Deans touch and looked up at him with adoration. "I love you." He sighs dutifully.

Dean looks at him with a sudden sadness plauging his face.

"I wish this was real."

Castiel responds by gripping his bicep, Castiel's handprint that was hardly visible after all these years burned at his touch.

"You don't have to wake up." He all but begs, sucking marks onto Deans throat. Dean lets out a muffled sob as Castiel worships him.

"Don't leave me please Dean don't go." Desperately pressing kisses to his face and chest.

"Cas I- please..." He buries his face into the angels neck. "I miss y-you so much." He stutters, it all felt so real the warmth the heartbeat, but he knows...he knows that Castiel is dead, he burned the body and said his goodbyes, now Castiel is here.

Fantasies can be cruel, they can give you what you most want and take it away, ripping you from your heaven and leaving you alone wishing that you could go back, be happy, forget that none of it was real, to forget the sharp thorn of reality just for one beautiful second.

Dean sat up drenched in sweat, he looks around his empty room and then at his phone _5:30am_ it reads. "Fucking dreams." He grumbles, feeling a pang of sadness that it was over. Sam won't be awake for another half hour but Dean decides to get up anyway and make coffee.

He trecks through the dark halls of the bunker till he reaches the kitchen, flipping on the lights he spies the coffee machine. Good lord the sweet release of coffee was the only thing he needed right now. He locates his mug but almost drops it when he sees the favorite mug of his former best friend, it had been right behind his and he hadn't even noticed it until now, he analyzes the sky blue cup with a picture of a bee.

Cas did always love bees, but never spoke about them again after he gained his sanity back. He heard something behind him as he thought about when Cas had shown up completely naked covered in those things. He quickly swerved round to see Jack. Jack...if it wasn't for him Castiel would still be here, laughing at Deans stupid jokes, sipping coffee from that bee mug, pretending to enjoy the taste.

"What're'ya doing up so early kid?" He stared at Lucifer's son, he was supposed to be the antichrist but he was a nougat loving zombie fanatic. Fuck...he looked so much like Cas, another pang of sadness welled up inside him.

"I wasn't tired." He said matter of factly. "What are you drinking?" "Coffee Jack, you've never had coffee?" The child just shook his head. Dean shrugged and handed him the mug.

"Knock yourself out." Jack just looked confused. "How?" He questioned with a furrowed brow. "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of me trying coffee?" Dean felt the tears, god he was so much like him...god Cas I miss you so much.

"Figure of speech." He grumbled as Jack lifted the curious liquid to his mouth, his reaction was that of disgust. "It's terrible." He complained. "Why would humans drink this?"

Dean shrugged again and tried to make his way out of the kitchen past Jack. "What was he like?" He questioned innocently. "My father?"

Dean stopped. "Who Lucifer? He was an evil son of a-"

"No, Castiel. Castiel is my father." Dean clenched his fists, how dare he. Cas was dead because of him and he was calling him his father. "Kid he ain't your father ok." He snapped.

Dean looked up to see a hurt expression on Jacks face. "Aw man, look I'm sorry I ain't good at...look he was uh...he was Cas, just Cas." He gave a small smile. "Bravest son of a bitch I knew, he was good, funny too...for an angel, he had a sense of humor, he was different. He always called me out on my bullshit. He could always say the right thing...but I uh- I didn't appreciate him, I didn't listen, I kept pushing him away and now he's..." Dean cut himself off before it got too personal.

"I wish I could have known him." Jack smiled.

"Yeah he would'a liked you kid." Suddenly Jacks eyes flashed yellow and he doubled back, Dean just stared.

"What was that? What did you do?" He demanded, Jack just shook his head. "I don't know."

Dean huffed and pushed past him to get back to his bedroom, he flopped on to his bed and just stared at the ceiling.

"Cas, look you probably can't hear me because well...you know you're uh yeah. But I need you, I need you back here man, this kid needs you. I don't know what to do I'm so lost...please just come back to me." Dean closes his eyes, waiting for a few moments, waiting for a "Hello Dean." Or "I'm here." Even the rustle of his trenchcoat! Just fucking something goddamnit, he can't stand the silence.

It never came and the silence wrapped around him like thick black icy tendrils him enveloping him in a cruel embrace.


	2. Shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean drowns his sorrows at a bar and meets Steve.

They were at the beach this time, usually it was Dean's bedroom, dim lights, worshipping every inch of each other, the beach huh?

Dean looked at the sunset and the calm waves sloshing against the damp sand as the cool air whipped his body softly.

He felt strong arms encircle his waist and he leaned into the touch. "Cas." He breathed quietly. "Hello Dean, I'm here." Castiel mumbled into his ear.   
Dean gripped Castiel's hands and pulled him in tighter. 

Castiel trailed kisses down his neck and pressed his lips to Deans jaw.

"God I miss you so much." He quickly turned around in his lovers arms but Castiel wasn't there. "Cas!?" Dean started to panic, usually in his dreams Castiel would always be with him, he could always see him. "Dammit. Fucking dammit." He swore.

Then Castiel was a few yards away laying on a beach towel, the last few hours of light highlighting his shirtless torso. "What are you waiting for?" He grinned motioning his head for Dean to join him. 

Dean straddled his hips and kissed him like he would never get the chance again, because deep down he knew he wouldn't. This was all in his head, a fantasy...his dirty little secret. No it wasn't dirty, it was beautiful Castiel layed out beneath him, blushing and smiling, laughing. 

Why can't I...why can't we be happy. 

Ironically his head was the only place where he could be himself despite his heterosexual conscience banging on the walls of his mind, it was the thing that told him to pull away from Castiel when things got too 'gay.' Well he wasn't listening anymore, ignoring his in-the-closet angst he sucks and nips at Castiels chest leaving the angel breathless. 

Suddenly Castiel flipped them, he was on top rutting into Dean. "Deaan." He moaned.

Then it was all over.

Light erupted from Castiel's mouth and eyes as an angel blade was retracted from the blue eyed mans chest. 

"Cas! NO! NO!" His throat felt hoarse like he had been screaming for hours. Castiel's body slumped forward and Dean clutched him tightly. "No please no." He said weakly. 

Then he looked up. Green eyes, freckles and short light brown hair. "You did this." He snarled at himself, he held a bloodied angel blade.

Dean just held Castiel's body against his own whimpering into his shoulder, dragging his fingers through his soft dark hair as if to comfort the angel, but there was nothing there to comfort anymore. "It's your fault, can't you see? He gave up everything for you. This? This is how you show your appreciation...your love?" He spat those last words at his shaking counterpart. 

"Please." He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't cry, he can't. Soldiers don't cry, are you a coward!? Are you a baby? Are you a fucking baby!? You gonna cry? Do you think your mommy will come and kiss it all better? Huh? Well she's dead too.

"No sir..." He whispered.

"P-p-please." Dean mocked. "Wake up Winchester, this will never be real. Did you really think that Castiel would love a broken thing like you? You? He is an angel of the lord."

You. Are. Nothing.

Dean woke up with a sob, his chest felt constricted, he couldn't breathe.

 _7:47_...pm? Wait, shit! Dean had slept the entire day?

He went to the bathroom and splashed water on his face. There were dark circles around his eyes dispite him having slept for almost a whole day. 

Drink, he needed a drink. 

Dean brushed past his concerned brother who was about to speak. "-not now Sammy, I have to go somewhere." 

"Dean!" The younger Winchester called behind him as he made his way up the bunker stairs.

When he got to the bar it wasn't that crowded, he took a seat a the bar and ordered three shots of whiskey.

"Rough night?" The man beside him asks. He turns to face him, he was about to tell the guy to mind his own but "C-cas." He stumbles brokenly. Pricing blue eyes, brown hair and a strong jawline.

"Uhh, heh..no not Cas? Steve." He offers his hand to Dean and retracts it awkwardly when Dean continues to stare...Steve...Steve...he breaks a little more inside.

"Sorry..you uh look like someone I-uh." Dean cuts himself off again. "Hey man, don't worry. Your boyfriend, was he nice?" 

"Dude! I'm not..not into that. I mean...I don't know." The man looks sympathetic.

"Sorry...my mistake. You kind of remind me of well me actually, it took a lot for me to get out of the closet but when I finally did-" 

"Look I'm gonna stop you right there buddy, I lov-liked a guy, uno." He held his index finger up for effect. "I never...did anything, it was too late." He stared at his empty shot glasses, whishing the bartender would come back and give him a refill. 

"And I remind you of him?" The stranger questions. "Some of you, yeah." 

There was a silence. "Dean." He said. "My name is Dean." Steve smiled at him. "Nice to meet you Dean."

They talked for a while longer, turned out that Steve was a classic rock fan, they seemed to be getting along. But one shot turned into two and Dean found himself almost pining for this guy, him...or Cas.

Steve offered to walk Dean back to his car because he felt sorry for the poor dude. "Wow." He whistled. "Sweet ride." 

"Shaes ma babe." Dean slurred, Steve just chuckled. "Look man, I don't really know you but I don't think you should be driving in this state, my motel room is a five minute walk from here, stay." 

Dean swayed in thought and decided that he wasn't going out in a drunken car accident. 

Steve shut the door behind Dean the drunken hunter sat on the twin motel bed. "Appreciate'this maan." He smiled. 

"No problem Dean-" Before he could finish his sentence Dean was on him, pressing his lips hesitantly to the surprised man, he just smiled and pulled away. "Look man, not that I wouldn't because you're well, ya know hot, but I'd be taking advantage and I think you are still getting over this Cas guy." 

Dean sighed unhappily. "M'sorry...I don't know...I'm so confused." Steve nodded and patted Dean's shoulder. 

"You should get some sleep." 

So Dean did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll here guys, so you might just get another chapter after this.


	3. More than a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is back and misunderstandings occur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your feedback and comments, please notify me of any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes xx

Sam just sits at the table waiting for his brothers return, Dean wasn't picking up, he had been gone for hours. 

He realized that Dean needs time and space to grieve but what about him? Didn't Sam get to act out? He had lost Castiel too.

Sighing Sam checks his phone again. Missed call? How did he not see, must have been deep in thought. Unknown number...

He decides to dial it, it was probably someone asking for help, maybe a hunt, Dean could have lost his phone. Many thoughts raced through Sam's head but he had never expected to hear the voice of the formally dead angel.

"Hello?" His voice crackled through the microphone. "Sam are you there?" Sam gulped, this could be a trick. Was he going to be sweet understanding Sam or aggressive, get to the point Dean?

"Who is this." He growled. The line once again crackled. "Sam it's me, it's Castiel. I'm on my way back to the bunker, I'm calling in advance as to not provoke an unnecessary attack."

"How do I know. How do I know it's you?" Sam demanded. 

"Sam, that's ridiculous, there is no way of knowing if it is me unless you meet me in person." Sam could practically hear his eyes rolling. 

"Where?" 

Castiel gave him directions and he took the truck that they had in the bunkers garage. Soon enough he was there and the 6ft tall trenchcoated angel was there too. 

"Sam." He greeted. "It's good to see you." As he came up and wrapped his arms around the stunned hunter. 

"You died, I saw you...man we burned your body." Sam returned the hug, they finished with a manly back pat and one last touch of the shoulder. 

"Well I annoyed an ancient cosmic being so much that it brought me back." He said nonchalantly. "I tried to call Dean but it kept going to voicemail, is he ok?" 

Sam looked a little hurt that the angel chose to call Dean first but brushed it off. "To be honest with you, I have no clue where he is. Before you called I was going to tack his phone, hopefully he has GPS on."

The angel just nodded. "Let's go find him." Sam suggested. "I'm sure he'll be thrilled to have you back man, I know I am." 

Thankfully his idiot of a brother had done something right and left his GPS on.   
It read the Shady Belle motel in Kansas. 

Figures. 

It was a twenty minute drive and he kept looking back at the angel to make sure he was real. "So..." Sam tried to make some small talk. "I take it you weren't in heaven or hell." 

"When angels die they do not go to heaven or hell because we don't have souls, we go to a place called the empty, a place of complete darkness and silence, locked in an eternal sleep. Somehow I was awoken and the entity that lived there wanted me gone, so here I am." 

The rest of the drive was silent. 

Room 28, Sam knocked on the door and Castiel stood to the side. 

A dark haired, blue eyed male answered the door. "Hey...can I help you?" His gruff voice was very Cas like, everything about him was. His boxers hung from his naked torso.

"Uhh sorry man, wrong room. Have a good night." Sam stumbled for words.

"S-sammy?" Came the weak voice of his older brother. 

"Dean?" What was Dean doing here and with this half naked guy. "Dean what are you doing?" 

The half naked guy had stepped aside revealing his equally half naked brother fumbling towards him. "Who is this?" Sam questioned, although the evidence was clear enough. Was his brother finally coming out of the closet? With this Cas look alike, oh fuck Cas! He turned to where Castiel was and the angel looked hurt. 

"Sammy this is Steve, he uh took care of m-" Dean stopped as tan trenchcoat came into view. "I've been calling and calling you man, even on my way here but you didn't pick up." His younger brothers words became white noise as he walked towards...no...fuck...you're dead. 

"I...I...Sammy what did you...fuck. Cas...Cas? Am I dreaming please tell me this ain't a dream." His eyes catch blue ones and he can't feel his legs anymore, he was only a few steps away from his goal.

Gripping the sleeve of the trenchcoat he pulls Castiel to him but topples over, strong hands grip his back stopping him from an embarrassing fall. "Hello Dean." 

He throws his arms around the angel's neck and buries his face in his coat. "Cas Cas Cas." He whispers over and over fisting the material. 

Meanwhile Sam and Steve watch this debacle, giving each other looks. 

"So this is the famous Cas?" He questions. "Yeah, he uh just got back from...he's a solider." 

Steve nods in understanding. "And you're Sam?" 

"I'm his brother, how did you come to find this mess?" Sam chuckles, the guy seems nice enough and he is happy for Dean but sad for Cas, if Dean had slept with this guy what did that mean for Dean and Cas?

"Met in a bar." 

Dean pulls away from Castiel after what felt like ages. "Cas man how...?" What all he could say. "I'll tell you later, all of it Dean." There was a sadness that lingered in the angels eyes, who was this Steve and was Dean in a relationship with him? They seemed very close. Dean refused to let go of the angels sleeve, he was still quite drunk and was 60% sure that he was hallucinating. 

Dean thanked Steve for tonight and much to the angel's displeasure he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Steve's cheek. "You have my number, call me anytime." He smiled and Steve nodded again. 

"I'll drive the truck back, you and Cas can take baby, give Cas the keys, you are still smashed." Dean groaned and fished them out of his pocket, he was too tired and too happy to argue.

The drive was silent, much like Sam, Dean kept checking the driver seat to make sure that Cas wouldn't disappear. 

They finally got to the bunker and in his drunk state he figured that he could get away with touching the angel a little bit more.

He leaned into Castiel and put an arm on him for support, Castiel manged to get the half unconscious Dean to bed.

"Cas...Cas don't go, don't leave me." He whimpered as Castiel took off Dean's boots.

"Sleep." Dean pulled Castiel by his tie flush on top of him and the angel let out a small oof. Dean just grinned cupping Castiel's face with his hand, drawing his thumb over his soft, chapped pink lips. "I missed you so damn much." Castiel closed his eyes at the intimate contact, this affection was never shown by Dean.

Castiel realized their close proximity and remembered something about 'personal space' he decided to move and let Dean be. 

But Dean didn't let up, he pulled them together so their chests where touching and Castiel blushed like a virgin. 

"Dean I should go." And Dean gave him a distraught look. Castiel pulled back and Dean just shook his head. "Please." Castiel gave him a confused look and his heart melted.

"Please just hold me, I need you." And this time he wasn't ashamed to admit it.

Castiel finally nodded and Dean loosened his grip. The hunter pulled at his trenchcoat. "Take it off man, get more comfortable." 

He shed the trenchcoat, the tie, the suit jacket and his shoes, Castiel looked almost naked. 

He lay down next to Dean and Dean once again closed their distance by putting his head on the angel's shoulder and a hand on his chest. Castiel took his arm and wrapped it around Dean pulling him closer. 

The hunter drifted off while drawing patterns on Castiel's torso with his fingers. 

But when he woke the next morning with a god awful hangover Cas was nowhere to be found. His clothes were gone and the other side of the bed looked untouched. 

Did he imagine it all? His heart beat faster, was he having a panic attack? Fuck fuck fuck. No it all felt so real, he could still smell Castiel on his pillow. 

He buried his face in it and inhaled the phantom scent, Dean jumped and flipped round when he heard his door open. "Dean what's wrong? I heard you calling for me." Dean breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh god Cas I thought you were..." A warm hand fell upon his shoulder. "I'm here Dean." He looked into the angel's ernest blue eyes, he noticed that he was fully dressed. 

"Cas..." He sat up, his face inches from the face of the man he wanted so much. Castiel lifted two fingers to his forehead and he felt the headache subsiding. 

He grasped Castiel's hand and brought it to the side of his face. His green eyes begged kiss me, do something, anything. "Cas I-" He pressed a soft kiss to the angel's mouth, Dean didn't dare deepen the kiss. They stayed like that for a moment, but then they heard Sam's footsteps coming their way and the angel pulled back as if he'd been burned.

Castiel raised his fingers to his lips, touching the area where Dean's had previously been. "What was that?" He questioned irritably. Oh god he hates it, he hates you. I'm so sorry m'sorry Cas.

Dean tries to respond but the words get stuck in his throat. "Your new boyfriend wouldn't be pleased to know that you have been kissing other men." He huffed irrationally.

"It's not very righteous to be unfaithful, Dean." Castiel was trying his hardest not to just take Dean on the bed but he was still hurt from what he had seen yesterday. He knew that he had died so there was no way a relationship was possible but what had hurt even more was that it was a man, after years of not returning his feelings he had fallen into bed with none other than a male...with male parts and Steve had taken from him what Castiel wanted most in this world; Dean's affections.

New boyfriend what? Oh Steve! Fuck no no Steve was just a friend and he had been really drunk. I want you not him, can't you see how much I missed you? Dean's head screamed.

Castiel imagined Dean whispering sweet nothings into this mans ear as he pushed and pulled against him, this stranger! This insignificant human! His blood boiled. But why did Dean kiss him? Did he wish to cause me more pain? Does he want me to suffer?

"Steve's-" But he never got to finish. Castiel gave him a _that's what I thought look_. Fuck images of last night flashed through his mind and he realized how it must have looked, the cheek kiss and the _call me,_ the lingering hand touching, he was just being friendly!

He tried again, but it was too late. "He's-" 

"Hey guys get this." Sam burst through the door clutching his laptop Jack following behind him.


	4. Green Eyed Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is stuck in the middle of all this angst, will he survive?

Jack and Castiel had already been reunited and it had been touching, the angel had pulled Jack in for a hug and the blonde had just stood there awkwardly and then realized what this was. It was a Cas move, scarily so.

There was without a doubt that Castiel was his father, It didn't matter that he was biological Lucifer's in the end because Jack was good.

"I think I have a case." Sam interrupted when Dean was just about to spill everything. 

"Yeah, uhh what is it?" Dean mused, mildly annoyed that he didn't get the chance to finish this conversation with Cas, I mean it was all a misunderstanding. 

"Werewolves, well I think so anyway, a couple had their hearts ripped from their chests, and another couple even closer to the crime scene." Sam stared at his laptop some more. "Says that it happened in Wisconsin, the place is an 8 hour drive from here so we need to move now." 

Castiel turned and left the room without a word and Dean cursed inwardly. "What was that about?" His brother pondered. 

"None of your business." He snapped back.

"Jerk." Sam muttered under his breath.

It had been a long awkward drive, they decided it was best that Jack stay at the bunker as he was having trouble with his powers, they promised him that he could come next hunt. 

"Soooo." Sam blew. "What's going on between you two?" Leaning forward with morbid curiosity.

"Nothing!" They both growled in unison, making eye contact for a second and then retreating their gaze to their respective sides. Sam never thought this would end. 

They finally got to Wisconsin but it was already getting dark so they got a double room at a creaky motel. 

"Right I'm beat, so imma shower and then pass out." Dean exclaimed, dumping his bag on the bed and slamming the bathroom door behind him. 

"What are you gonna do Cas? I mean you don't sleep." Castiel just looks at the place where Dean was last standing and sighs. "I'll just...wait for you to finish resting." 

Sam furrows his brow. "Cas tell me what was happening between you and Dean, he was so happy that you were alive, but now I can cut the tension with a knife. Talk to me man." 

Castiel sits there in stony silence and then finally says. "Do you think he will be happy with Steve?" Sam hums thoughtfully. "So that's what this is about? Dean's hookup? Look I didn't think my brother was coming out of the closet anytime soon but now that he is-"

"Why wasn't it me?" Sam stops dead in his tracks. "Y-you wanted it to be you?" Castiel nodded weakly. "He kissed me, I was so frustrated with him that I pushed him away, but he has Steve now..."

"He kissed you!? Cas man, I don't know what to say, I guess I didn't really know you felt like that. I always figured that Dean had feelings for you but I never imagined..." He trailed off as Dean opened the bathroom door. 

"Never imagined what Sammy?" Sam looked nervous, he faltered and tried to speak. Dammit he lied for a living.

"Never imagined that uh, that uh...Wisconsin motels would have such good...uh WIFI." He nodded his head once to make his point and stumbled to his bed. 

Dean flops onto his when he notices that Sam had fallen asleep pretty quickly. "So Cas I gathered that angels don't sleep? What are you gonna do?" The angel turned to him. "I was going to go out and come back in the morning when you and Sam-" 

"No!" Dean hurried. "Just stay here...I don't want to let you out of my site right now." Castiel glowered at him. "Dean I am billions of years old, I can look after myself." Dean stiffened at his tone. 

"I didn't mean it like that Cas, I mean we just got you back I can't loose you again." He struggled to find the right words. "You think I'm going to leave you again? You think that when I saw you and Sam again it wasn't the happiest moment of my existence after spending months in the empty?" He growled. "Especially you Dean, you should know...especially you." 

Dean just stands there. "Cas that's not-"

"I can't promise that I will always be around, I don't know when I will die next but Dean, I can promise you that I will always stand by your side, but I can't give you that full certainty that I will be alive tomorrow or the next day." He could have just left it at that, walked away, having won the higher ground.

"Maybe you should call your boyfriend, he can provide you with full certainty, considering that you don't even trust me to go outside by myself." That sounded better in his head but oh well, going with it anyway.

"Dammit Cas he's not my boyfriend!" Dean sprung from his bed moving towards the startled angel. "He was never my boyfriend, we didn't even sleep together." He grabbed Castiel's arm and cupped his face, forcing him to look him in the eyes. 

"You wanna know why the hell I even spoke to him? Why I went back to his motel room and drunkenly kissed him? He even pushed me off and told me that it ain't right because I was hammered." Castiel averted his gaze and Dean shoved him against a wall, he let himself be pushed. "Because he reminded me of you, you son of a bitch."

Blue eyes flicked up to meet green, Castiel became very aware of their close proximity. Did he get this all wrong?

"When you...when you died I was suicidal, I was at the bottle constantly...I wanted to die. Then he came along, and I thought that maybe for a second that I could forget." Dean shut his eyes and licked his lips. "I just wanted you but I knew that we would never-" 

He was cut off when Castiel smashed his lips to Dean's. Fuck this is happening. "Dean you're all I've ever wanted." Dean chuckled. "Man that was cheesy Cas." He remarked kissing the angel deeply. 

They started to grind against each other as the kiss became more heated, the angel was making quiet breathy moans and Dean loved it. "I'm going to fuck you on the bed now, Cas. You'll be screaming my name angel." He whispered hotly into the angel's ear, he shuddered.

"Please don't." Came the quiet voice from across the room, they both froze. "Fuck Sammy is here, shit." He had completely forgotten about his mortified brother.

Dean pulled away from his lover, his expression of embarrassment was twinned with the angel's. He saw Castiel adjust his slacks and he did the same, still red in the face.

"Stay with me?" Dean grinned grabbing the angel's hand, Castiel just nodded and was dragged to the disturbingly colorful motel bed.

There they stayed in each others embrace, Dean snored softy and Castiel watched over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah! You thought that there would be smut? I intend to torture you for a little bit longer. Sorry this one is so short, next chapter will focus on the case and Dean and Castiel trying to get some alone time ;))


	5. Internalized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel go to a bar to look into the case.

Dean woke up with his face pressing into the angel's neck and Castiel kept his blue gaze on the freckled man beneath him, Dean streched. "Mornin' gorgeous." He grinned. "You been watching me all night?" Castiel blushed. "You look peaceful when you sleep, it's the only time you don't look so burdened." 

He raised his hand to Castiel's cheek and smiled lovingly. "Still creepy." He teased.

He leaned in close and kissed his pale pink lips. "Mmm Cas." He moaned straddling his angel, his morning wood poking Castiel's stomach, turns out the angel was sporting and erection of his own. He felt the other man's hardness beneath his thin boxer shorts as he ravaged Cas. 

Kissing his neck, his mouth and sucking bruises into his throat. Dean had never wanted someone more.

Castiel moaned loudly as Dean ground into him and clutched at Deans waist. 

"I'm still here!" Sam screamed, muffled by his pillow. 

Dean sighed in annoyance, got off Castiel, winked and left his wrecked angel high and dry on the bed while he clutched at the bedsheets in sexual frustration.

"We'll continue this later." He stated before running to the bathroom.

Sam just lay there, face buried in his pillow wishing he was anywhere but here. 

Mr. Hall had been found with his husband Pete in the woods, their hearts had been ripped from their bodies and the same thing had happened with John and Andrew a mile from the first murders. 

"Maybe they are going after gay couples." Sam enquired. "I mean that does seem to be the pattern." He looks at Dean and then at Cas. "You could...ya know, snoop around the area with Cas, see what you can find out." 

"Dude it could just be a hate crime, some homophobic sickos." 

"Their hearts were ripped from their chests! With force, no human could have done that." Sam interjected, they were hunters and if this looked supernatural they needed to at least snoop around. "There is a bar very close to where the murders happened, you guys go there and I'll interview the family and friends." 

Dean and Castiel gave each other looks and silently agreed to go. "It's a date." Dean teased.

Dean was nervous as he approached the bar, not that he and Cas couldn't stand up for themselves but other people can be discriminating, he thought Castiel was oblivious to his discomfort but the angel grabbed his hand. "Let them stare." He challenged and Dean squeezed back gently in response and placed a kiss to Castiel's temple.

Castiel hurriedly kissed him on the mouth, pushing into the lean hunter. His arms encircled Dean's neck and Dean pulled him closer trying to feel every inch of the angel, with hands roaming and tounges clashing Dean was very aware of how open and vulnerable they both were.

He pulled back and grinned, Castiel took his hand again.

Dean released his hand before they got inside and Castiel looked hurt. "M'sorry." He patted the angel on the back in a manly way. Castiel was shocked, was Dean really that terrified of homosexuality? Of expressing his love for another man, Castiel wasn't even a man, he was genderless, a wavelength of celestial intent, he didn't understand these hegemonic principles.

They both took a seat at the bar and Dean ordered whiskey, he didn't hesitate to knock it back as soon as he saw it on the counter. Looking a little bit more relaxed he nudged Castiel's arm with his own and smiled. 

Castiel couldn't blame him, it was his he was raised to be. Dean wasn't homophobic, he was very accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, and even though he showed signs of bisexuality he didn't want to identify as such.

"Hey barkeep." He tapped the counter twice with his fingers. "Mind if I ask you a few questions?" 

"What are you the Feds?" He retorted, Dean reached for his fake badge. "Actually yes, Agent Stills." He greeted. 

"Have you seen anything or anyone strange recently? Just anything that just didn't feel right." The bartender pondered. "Well there was those murders, the gay couples." He nodded.

"Yes, that's why we are here actually, were they patrons here?" The bartender eyed his badge suspiciously.

"Uhh yeah, both couples came in here...you don't think I had anything to do with this? I'm not homophobic my sister's gay so..." 

"Look, it's just protocol is all, we need to ask these questions if you know what I mean." Dean reassured him and the man let out a sigh. "Look...you didn't hear this from me but from time to time a gang comes in here, leader is called Bill, they look like the type of guys who would, ya know..." Dean gave him a nod. "Your partner is awfully quiet." He inquired. Dean looked over to Castiel who sat there in stoney silence.

"Yeah he's uh, he's just a quiet guy, say do you think that those guys would show up around now?" Just as Dean had said that an angry looking man in a black biker jacket burst through the door followed by three more bearded angry men in biker boots.

"Speak of the devil." The bartender muttered.

Bill stomped up to the bar and slammed a $50 on the table. "Gimme as many rounds of beer as this will buy." Then he looked over to Dean who was staring at him. "You got a problem, pretty boy?" He said gruffly. "No, no problem." He turned on the Dean charm. "Just wanted to ask you a few questions is all." Bill just glared as Dean showed him his badge. "And then I'll let you be on your way, it's about the murders, the two couples whose bodies were found in the woods." 

"Alright follow me outside, we'll talk." Dean didn't trust him but he knew that him and Cas could take him in a fight, definitely the entire gang if it came down to it. 

Castiel and Dean followed the gang leader outside. "Ask away, I'll tell you what I know and then we are done got it?" Castiel nodded. "We understand." It was the first thing he had said since they entered the bar.

"Did you ever speak to Mr. Hall? Or any of the other victims." 

"No, they went to the bar then left."

"Did you see them speak to anyone else?"

"No."

"Were they acting strange at all? When you saw them?" 

"If you mean strange as being a homo then yeah, that shit just ain't natural." Castiel tensed up. "Can I ask? How did they die?" Dean saw Bill's smirk.

"Their hearts were ripped out of their chests." Castiel growled.

"Can't say that they didn't deserve it, it's a fucking abomination if you ask me." Castiel was about to lunge forward but Dean caught him by the shoulder. "He's not worth it." He slid his hand down the angel's arm.

The man just looked them up and down. "Oh god." He chuckled unpleasantly. "You're not are you? Fuck they even got them in the government now. It's a disease I swear." Then he took a step forward. "I didn't kill those men, ain't had nothing to do with them." His smile stretched wide across his face menacingly. "But I wish I had." 

Castiel looked up, a dark epression on his face, the man leaped back as if he had been electrocuted. "Your...your eyes man! The fuck is wrong with your eyes!?" His eyes glowed with grace as he loomed above the man. 

"Cas!" Dean yelled before the angel had time to smite him. "Cas! Cas! Don't just wait." The grace started to clear from his eyes when he heard Dean's voice. "Dean..." 

The man looked shell shocked. "W-w-what the hell! What the hell man! Fucking homos!" Dean punched him in the face and a split second later there was a sickening crack, Bill fell to the ground with a muddy thump.

"Cas, Cas look at me. Com'on sweetheart it's ok." He rubbed up and down the angel's arms and kissed his head. "I've never...why did I get so angry Dean?" 

"The guy was a dick, he deserved to get smited but he isn't worth it." Dean sighed deeply. "We should probably get outta here before the rest of his gang show up." 

They had just gotten to the Impala when they heard footsteps and a sweet feminine voice call out to them.

"Going home early fellas? The party has just begun." They both spun round to see a beautiful tanned woman decorated in beads, tattoos and jewelry, she wore a short white dress and dark purple lipstick. Lightning flashed behind her eyes.

"Kill me if I'm wrong." Dean joked. "But you're behind all this? The gay couples." She just smiled sickly. 

"So what or who exactly are you?" She stepped closer and closer until she was face to face with Castiel.

"He's handsome isn't he?" She cupped the angel's jaw forcing him to look her in the eye, Dean wanted to yell _get the fuck off_ but something about her screamed power. She caressed the side of his face and traced her long fingers on his cheekbone. Castiel looked disgruntled and very uncomfortable, Dean wished that he could just reach out and hold his hand but he stood still waiting for her to make the first move.

"I am Whaitiri, the Godess of thunder, the very first cannibal." She grinned licking her lips. "And you boys look delicious.

In a flash they were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh sorry for the cliffhanger, no I'm not.  
> I haven't added the cannibalism tag because no harm befalls my babies.
> 
> Until next time xx


	6. Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no some shit is about to go down.

Dean opened his eyes to see darkness, he felt cold hard concrete against his back. Ok so he was in a room somewhere. His eyes were adjusting to the dark and he could make out shapes, boxes? Then he looked to his side to see Castiel, he looked very unconscious. "Cas!" He whispered harshly, nothing.

Dammit! Then he heard something, a door creak open and a beam of light hit his face.  
He squinted at the unrelenting rays. "Castiel." He tried again, shaking the angel. 

"You're awake." Came the thick honey covered voice. "What have you done to Cas?" He growled at the goddess, she grinned again. "He's just sleeping." She whistled innocently. "Angel's don't sleep." 

"Oh very well, I guess it's more fun when both of you are awake." She snapped her fingers and Castiel flicked his eyes open. "Cas!" He reached over to grab his arm. Castiel looked at the cannibal god and then at Dean. "Dean." He breathed. Whaitiri backed out of the dark room but not without the promise of her return...soon.

"Cas, man you ok?" The angel just gave a small grunt. "Do you know anything about this Whaitiri chick?" There was a musty smell in the room, and something else that Dean didn't want to think about. "I do. Castiel responded. Dean stuck his hands in his pockets. Aha! "My phone." He whispered. "She didn't take it off me, I can call Sam!" And there was a phone signal, this must be his lucky day.

The phone rung once, twice a third time-

"Dean?? Where the hell are you man?" Sam sounded grumpy and worried. "Look Sam we don't have much time but we got captured, Cad is gonna tell you all he knows about the bitch." Dean held the phone to Cas and he began to speak.

"Whaitri, she is a thunder goddess, very fond of cannibalism, she came down to earth to marry a mortal man, the English translation of his name was Man-Eater, she believed him to be a fierce and ruthless man but he was a gentle soul. She became angry at his lifestyle whilst living on a diet of fish because he was a fisherman. She ended up eating two of his relatives, her husband made fishhooks out of the bones, she ate the fish he had caught with it and went blind, her grandsons returned her sight many years later. I have no idea what she is doing here now." The angel explained and Dean just moved closer intertwining their fingers, he quickly hung up without saying goodbye to his brother, who knows what she heard. He didn't want to risk Sam's life. Three hours later, three fucking hours.

"Hello boys" She purred entering the room again, with another snap of her fingers both men were tied up to wooden chairs in a dimly lit room. "So this is where you live?" Dean chided. "It's uh...homey with a silence of the lambs vibe." 

"Maybe you'll stop your incessant chatter when you watch me torture your angel." She smiled again. "I'll start with his chest, wouldn't want to ruin that pretty face of his." She tapped the side of his face with her hand affectionately. "Then maybe I'll move my knife down south." She stared menacingly at his crotch and the angel's eyes widened.

"Don't you touch him you bitch!" Dean spat. "I'll fucking kill you." She ignored Dean's threats and carried on. "Eventually I'll rip out his heart, oh but he's an angel I guess I'll have to remove his grace first." She reached inside his trenchcoat and pulled out his angel blade. "Don't worry, I'll keep you immortal for now, it's not very exciting when the victim passes out." 

She turns to Dean. "It's a shame really, to mutilate such a beautiful vessel but it's all worth it to see the hurt and anguish on your face as I'm cutting into loverboy here." Dean growls at her and glares, she seems taken aback for a split second but reverts back to her regular demeanor. 

"I swear lady if you fucking hurt Cas-"

"What?" She laughs. "Let me guess, you'll kill me?" Dean just grins and shakes his head. "Oh we are way past that now." He looks directly into her eyes. "Killing would be a mercy for what I'm about to do to you." 

"Are you challenging me, boy?" She stares him down but Dean remains silent. "I do love a good challenge." She takes Castiel's angel blade and cuts open the angel's shirt with the pointy end. "Mmm such a nice canvas to work with." She drags the blade along his bare torso, blue grace shone bright beneath the bubbling red cut, Castiel shut his eyes in pain. "Fucking whore!" Dean swore at her. "Language." She said calmly.

She was just about to start cutting into Castiel again when Sam appeared holding a sharpened leg bone. "Sam what the hell is that?" Dean questioned, straining his eyes to see in the badly lit room. 

"I did some research and apparently eating fish caught by the bones of your victims made you blind, what about an entire leg bone?"

The goddess snarled. "You are wrong tall one, and now I'll kill you too." She lunged towards Sam and punched him in the face, he was sent flying backwards "Sam!" Dean yelled. The bitch stood over his brothers unconscious form, little did she know he was bluffing, she tried to block the blow but the younger Winchester was too quick and he plunged the leg bone straight through her heart. She screamed in agony and dropped to the floor, a clap of thunder was heard in the distance and she melted into a pool of blood. "Guess I was right." He says making his way to where Dean and Cas were tied up. 

"Sammy where the hell did you get the bone?" Sam shrugged. "Broke into the morgue and stole a leg bone off one of the victims. I used the GPS on your phone to track you." He said like it was an everyday occurrence. But in their line of work they had to do freaky shit like this.

Sam untied his brother and the angel while Castiel used his grace to heal himself. 

"Cas, you good?" He nodded at Sam.

Three hours on the road and they pulled into a shady looking motel, the windows were blackened and the wood looked half eaten by termites. 

"Looks like this will have to do." Dean sighed.

They all stepped inside and went to the check in desk. "Hello." Sam greeted the woman who was idly staring at her nails.

She looked up boredly. "Can I help you?" 

"Yeah can we get two rooms?" He smiled hopefully but she just shook her head. "We only have two Queens available." Sam groaned internally. He could see the sexual frustration radiating off the angel and his brother and sooner or later they were going to explode, he just didn't want to be in the blast zone. "We'll take it." He gritted out.

They got to the room and Sam grimaced at the interior, it smelt like mold and cleaning detergent. "Com'on Sammy, don't make that face we've been in worse places." Dean patted the bed twice. "I'm pretty sure dust just came out of that comforter in the shape of a skull." He responded. 

Soon enough they had all settled in, Castiel holding Dean close on the questionable Queen size bed until the eldest Winchester fell asleep. It was a three hour ride to the bunker from here. 

Once they had finally arrived Jack greeted them happily and asked about the hunt, to which Sam filled him in on. 

Dean needed to get Cas alone so he grabbed the angel's hand and marched him to his bedroom. "Dean what are you-" Dean cut him off with a stern look. "You know what this is Cas, it's been a long time coming." He says hurriedly pushing the timid angel into his room and shutting the door. "Take off the damn trenchcoat." He ordered and Castiel obeyed. 

Dean walked over to him and started to kiss him harshly. "Fuck Cas, I finally got you alone now." He presses another kiss to Castiel's lips and starts working on his tie. "Too many damn layers." He complains as the knot of the tie refuses to yield. Castiel just snaps his fingers and they are both standing there completely naked. "That's a neat trick." The angel nods in agreement while kissing the hunter desperately. They both wanted to feel as much of each other as they possibly could. Dean slip his hands over Castiel's naked torso and pushed him towards the bed until they fell on top of one another, their dicks brushing and Dean felt an electric spark between them. 

He wasted no time in gripping the the angel's cock and revealing in his reaction. "I never thought I'd get to do this, never thought it would ever be real." Castiel groaned underneath him. "It's real oh-oh! Dean!" Dean kissed down the angel's chest and thumbed his pointy hipbones. His erect cock dripping with anticipation before Dean took it in his mouth and started to suck on the head. "Dean!" Castiel's hands were in his hair like a vice. "Dean! You...oh! I...I..." God, he had broken his angel, rendered him speechless with half a blowjob. 

He pulled off his cock with a wet pop and a self satisfactory smirk. "Cas wanna be inside you...fuck." He crawled back up the angel's body and placed his forehead against Cas'.

"Dean yes...please." He could hardly form sentences, god Dean wondered what an orgasm would do, he wanted to jerk his angel off right now, see the surprised expression on his face as he came followed by pleasure. But he also wanted to take his time, as it was their first time. Dean wasn't particularly experienced with Gay sex at all but he had watched enough porn to know what he was doing. He reached for his draw and pulled out a bottle of lube, squirting the cold substance onto his fingers. "You ready for this?" He asked with a forehead kiss and felt the angel nod again. 

He circled Castiel's tight hole and the angel gasped and bucked his hips. "Dammit Cas just stay still or it's gonna hurt." 

He tested the waters by inserting one finger and Castiel let out a loud moan. Pumping in and out of his writhing angel, he added another and another until Castiel was ready. 

"Dean please need you." He almost begged. His pretty pink flushed cock was straining between his thighs, it almost looked painful. God this guy hadn't been layed in years, he almost took pity, there was no way that Castiel would last that long so Dean took his cock and started to jack off to get closer to the edge. "Fuck Cas."

Once he felt satisfied he pressed the head of his cock to Castiel's fluttering hole. "Deaan." He let out a long whine as the green eyed man entered him slowly. 

Once fully seated he began to enjoy himself, he noticed Castiel's legs wrapped around his waist, how they constricted when he moved an inch. "Ok Cas I'm gonna move now." He warned dipping down for a hot open mouthed kiss. "Mmmh Dean." 

Dean started to thrust slowly as Castiel gripped his back and both men groaned at the sensation. He heard Castiel's uncontrollable gasps of pleasure beneath him and he kissed them into submission, but together they were wild, passionate and free. 

Every touch burnt them in the best way, every slow caress of fingers. The pleasure prickled between them at first like when you step into a hot room after being in the snow for too long, then it burst, trying to consume them with every desperate thrust. 

"Dean faster p-please faster." He felt Castiel's swollen member on his stomach, hot and hard, he reached his hand down and thrust it between his fist lazily while his movements sped up. Dean could feel himself coming to an end but not before his beautiful angel. 

Castiel screamed as Dean nailed his prostate with every thrust. "Dean Dean Dean oh!" He chanted like a prayer. "Cas y-you feel." That's all he could manage, he jerked his angel faster and faster, driven on getting him to spill his load right then and there.

The sensations were too much for Castiel, he moaned Dean's name over and over then he seized up and shuddered, his orgasm ripped through him and he sobbed his release into the crook of Dean's neck. 

Dean was still going, right on the edge of pleasure. Castiel kissed his jaw and whispered in his ear. "My hunter. My righteous man." And then he came deep inside Castiel with a hoarse shout of his name, panting and collapsing on top of of the oxytocin induced angel. 

After what seemed like hours he finally pulled out and rolled off Castiel onto his side of the bed with a small thud. "So..." Dean grinned. "How was that?" Castiel just looked at him, the aftershocks of his orgasm still making his cock twitch. "Dean I- there are no words." 

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him close, he fell into a deep satisfied sleep and Castiel watched over him.

The next morning he woke up and Castiel was there by his side, they immediately got to work on some slow, passionate morning sex.

"I love you. You know that right Cas?" Dean confessed after their love making. "I never say it but I do mean it." 

Castiel made a happy noise and buried his face in Dean's shoulder. "I love you." He mumbled against Dean's skin, this was a happy moment, one that Dean would remember forever. 

Dean knew that the future would be full of heartbreak, just like the past, there would be loss and pain. 

But fuck that because he is here in the present and today nothing can ruin his mood. 

"Could you two kindly shut the fuck up? I mean seriously I was trying to sleep last night and all I could hear was _Deannnn_ , _Casssss._ Then in the morning too! I mean seriously, I'm going to go invest in some ear plugs." Sam complained loudly, Dean knew that Sam was secretly psyched that they were finally together but he had to keep up the disgusted little brother facade. 

And even as Sam grumbled about loud sex outside his bedroom door, Dean still smiled.

He was finally were he wanted to be, not needed, wanted.

He felt free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm well this is my first time writing explicit gay porn, hope you enjoyed. I had a bit of a writers block with this story, I get it with most stories that's why I never finish, but I powered through for you guys :)
> 
> If you need me to add anymore tags that you think should be addressed don't hesitate to ask.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh I haven't written in ages and it feels so good, honestly I'm nervous, please tell me what you think, College is hard and I need stress relief so I've decided to write some more. There will be more chapters but give it time, depending on weather you liked it or not, I have a tendency to not complete things but I will for this fic! Xxx


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